Evette didn't tell people at work she was dating her colleague. Should you?

Like many people, Evette (not her real name) fell in love at work.

While some romances between colleagues can go bad, for 35-year-old Evette and her partner, it's been a success story.

The Queensland couple are still together and share a child.

Evette is no longer employed at that company, but managing the relationship while there wasn't straightforward.

"Because of work and being the private person I am, I asked if we could keep our relationship to ourselves," Evette says.

"Working in a male-dominated industry where you get leered at every day was hard enough, but then to be in a relationship with one of the boys makes it even more open to gossip."

Whether it's an office, a job site or a cafe, workplace romances can be tricky for a number of reasons.

And being open or secret about the relationship is just one decision you'll have to make.

Consensual relationships can still be problematic

Some organisations set out guidelines regarding relationships at work, and how you manage yours will be subject to those and many other factors, explains Paula McDonald, a professor of work and organisation at Queensland University of Technology in Brisbane.

"The physical and cultural nature of the workplace context could make a difference to how a relationship could and should be managed," she says.

While this article focuses on appropriate workplace relationships, it's worth noting that even a consensual relationship at work can be inappropriate.

For example, "a manager-subordinate personal relationship is going to be more problematic than co-workers," Professor McDonald says.

This is especially true if the manager oversees the other person's work tasks and career progression.

She says there may need to be a rearrangement of reporting structures if that were the case.

"But if it was a manager in a larger organisation, having a relationship with someone less senior might not be problematic if their departments are distinct," Professor McDonald says.

Who to tell and when

Because relationships don't always progress past dating, Ms McDonald says it's reasonable to expect there will be a period of time the couple keep their romance private.

"But once they decide they are in a relationship … they should let people know."

She says it's not necessary to speak to your HR department, but if relevant, letting people who work closely with either party will be beneficial.

"I've been in situations where I haven't realised one person was in a relationship with another in the same work environment, and that can be quite tricky for co-workers.

Being transparent lets everyone know the possible conflicts of interest, she says.

In Evette's case, she didn't feel safe to tell everyone at work — especially her managers, who she says would often gossip about people in the workplace.

While she says while the romance didn't negatively impact her working relationships — especially given they were based in different areas in the business — it was difficult on a personal level.

"I think my own fears of trying to avoid judgement and negativity did have a negative impact on us, as we would have loved to share our relationship more with our work friends," she says.

Professor McDonald says in some circumstances, it would reasonable to keep the relationship low-key.

"In a workplace where a 'chilly climate' exists for women — subtle hostility, misogyny, exclusion, etc. — revealing a relationship may risk openly sexist derision about women using sex or relationships to progress in the organisation."

But, she adds, that must be weighed up against the risks of not disclosing — such as anxiety related to hiding the relationship and resentment from colleagues.

Other things to consider

Discussing some professional boundaries with your love interest — such as avoiding public displays of affection — is a good idea, says Professor McDonald.

Paul Harpur, from the University of Queensland's Law School in Brisbane, says a lot of family business owners have practices that romantic couples who work together for the same employer could adopt.

For example, avoiding talking about work too much at home.

"And try to keep romance out of the workplace," Dr Harpur says.

If the relationship dissolves, Professor McDonald advises people compartmentalise their personal and professional life. But that can be easier said than done:

"Inevitably relationships that break down have some kind of hurt feelings involved, and they can be exacerbated when people work together because there is no distance to lick wounds or for the healing process to take place," Professor McDonald says.

While she doesn't regret keeping her relationship private, Evette says it's been easier to be open about it since leaving the company.

"People were all giddy and shocked to find out we were together and couldn't believe that we had kept it a secret for so long."